Nevertheless, I couldn't avoid the burden that God was putting on my heart. I was coming off some serious life circumstances that had catapulted me into the arms of God. I had spent the last several years being anonymous while my heart was healing and had just recently begun to feel that familiar tugging on my heart to step out into something unfamiliar and touch the lives of others. I bargained with God, reminding Him that I was better equipped to minister to children (never-mind the fact that there are no children presently attending my small start-up church). He didn't budge...women's ministry was what He continued to speak to my heart. I asked Him if I could do worship ministry (my church currently didn't have a worship leader and my pastor had asked me to consider stepping up to the plate) but was met with a big "No" and a reminder that it's not about me.
So here I was, stepping out into the unknown, feeling rather ill equipped and very insecure. My thoughts raced between wondering if I would break through into the hearts of the ladies attending to whether or not they'd notice the grease stain that I somehow had managed to get on my blouse. I had taken care of every detail I could think of. I rented a facility that was created specifically for ministry to women. I did announcements and email blasts and Facebook reminders leading up to the day of the event. I crafted an interactive way to get acquainted with one another. There were beautiful flowers and giveaway gifts prepared. I had studied the book of Ruth and had an interactive message of redemption to share. The refreshments were beautifully displayed on the table waiting for the ladies to arrive.
The time was drawing near and I sat in anticipation, thinking about greeting each woman and dicovering how I could minister to her needs. The facility volunteer (a beautiful woman from my church with a beautiful Spirit) and I watched as the minutes ticked by. With each minute that passed, I sensed more deflation. I picked up the phone and called my pastor to see if anyone had called him - perhaps they were lost or confused about the location. I began to doubt myself..."Why would I ever think God could use me? Maybe I misheard Him? Maybe I was wrong to step out into the unknown."
The minutes turned into hours and soon our time was over. No one ever showed up. Not one person. Two ladies, a whole lot of preparation, a lot of food and flowers and a heaping dose of disappointment sat in anticipation of what might be but never was.
As I drove home I pondered the evening. I stepped out in obedience to God in a ministry that I felt ill equipped to lead. As I prepared, I developed an expectation that somehow my obedience was going to be translated into a thriving, exciting ministry. My expectations hadn't been met but I never asked God what His expectations were. Maybe He just wanted to see if I'd be obedient. Perhaps He needed to provide me with that opportunity to be ministered to by the other lady that waited with me. Perhaps He was testing my heart, to see if I would let my expectations get in the way of my relationship with Him.
And then I was reminded of Hebrews 11:39-40 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
None of the great heroes of the bible knew what the outcome was going to be. They stepped out in faith and were obedient to the voice of God. Many of them died without ever seeing the results of their faithfulness. Though they didn't receive what was promised, they were part of the bigger plan!
No one showed up. Not one person. Two ladies and a whole lot of preparation went into ministering to an empty room. And the blessings abound.
~For wherever two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. Matthew 18:20
